My name is Brenda Hartley and I am 36 years old and yes, I am a plus size queen. I haven’t always felt like a queen or even beautiful for that matter. Growing up in the 90’s and early 2000’s being plus size wasn’t easy at all. Kids can be so cruel and don’t realize that words can truly hurt one’s feelings and stick with them forever.
Now you have some people whose confidence is very high and words don’t bother them. At a younger age, that definitely wasn’t me. I can remember the first hurtful comment that was said to me that made me feel like I was so different and I also remember the word “ugly”. Yes, those comments made a major impact on my life. I remember talking with a group of kids- I was in 8th grade at the time. We were talking about the other high school that was built and I mentioned my boyfriend went to that school. One of the boys looked at me and stated “Somebody actually likes you?!? You’re too big to have a boyfriend.” Those words stung me like a wasp stinging fresh skin. I held it together for the rest of the day, but once I got home I cried like a baby.
This pain followed me all the way to high school. The fat jokes never ended. I was always self-conscious about the clothes that I wore. I had to make sure this fat roll wasn’t poking out and that fat roll wasn’t showing too much on the side. Sometimes the fat jokes could be too much to bear- but you have to try to appear strong like it doesn’t bother you. Deep down inside its cutting you every. single. time… I thought about suicide a couple of times in high school. I am so glad that I never acted upon it. I must say that I have had some great friends in high school that helped me and even though they didn’t realize they were.
At some point in my life, I got this self-confidence and ran with it. I remember it happening in college. I still had the same friends from high school and I even gained a few more. Once you get in college, you feel a little freer to dress how you want to because you see a lot of the other students doing it. I remember looking in the mirror one day and telling myself “girl you are fine and you got it going on!! You are a natural born queen!”
Everyday isn’t easy, but yes, I still have my confidence. It might get knocked down some when I try on something and it doesn’t fit like I think it should, but I pick myself right back up and keep pushing. I love myself and my curves. Nobody can tell me anything different, cause my curves are beautiful!